Sink Or Swim?

SINK?



OR

SWIM?



I went to PD last weekend with such a flutter of anticipation,convinced that I still remember how to swim.It was disappointing though I already expected the outcome.I thought I was swimming,but the fact was that I looked like I nearly drowned.How is that so?

The swimming pool:
I bathe,crawled,dove,dog-paddled,floated,did the freestyle, glided,waded,paddled,stroke and all those swimming crap but it looked more like a worm wriggling in the water than me swimming.Hilarious.What a jolly act.I chaffed myself.
Since I've got a brand new swimming suit (after years waiting),I think it's time to brush my rusted skills.A good friend of mine love swimming,think she might be able to help with the techniques.Will you Saby?

The sea:
I noticed that I am still afraid to swim in the sea.Being able to go only like a few steps ahead from the land,eventually I freak-out and waded away through the salt water heading to the beach.



It's scary enough to not being able to see your feet underwater.I did no other movement except standing in the gushing waves,staring and admiring those who can swim happily in the sea.I dared myself to just float for like 10 seconds and guess what..I made it for just 2 seconds.I prefer having on-water vehicles rather than being in the water,using my own hands and feet to move around.If I ever being force to swim in the sea,afraid that I'll ended up clinging on somebody's back.That would cause chaos as I might cry.Who knows?XD So,I could say that I have thalassophobia.Hohoho..I love the sea,the scent,the view,and everything related to it.Maybe in a few years later I'll have the gut to swim in it.(PRAY)

Tick-Off

I find myself rather allergic to the word 'image' lately,as I've been rated by a number of people,disregarding their credibility as potential critics.A few years ago,it doesn't look like a major issue.Now,when I've reached two decades of living,it's like a must-said.
Almost everywhere I go,I wear slippers;class,library,shopping,dining out,strolling in the park,and almost everywhere.Mum keeps pecking on my head about wearing slippers,even to formal occasion.Haa,guess this habit will take ages to be cured.No heels mum!I'm acrophobia and definitely not the dull-looking 1 inch army shoes.Even my primary school teacher chided me on wearing proper shoes and getting a more attractive looking ones(those with sparkles and beads!)I would wear anything but those.Nothing could be done.My mum went shopping with my ex-teachers and I happened to follow.Not only that,during my last visit to granpa's a few days ago,he noticed the zits on my face.
Oowh,this was what he said-"What's with your face?Go get this erm..what..erm..OLAy."
I was like.."what?" grrr..
My cousin just grinned,and said,"I thought so..he's going to say OLAY.."
Me:"Why me?" %$&*#@..
There's more..afraid that they're quite inappropriate..so..

I Cried

I cried alone,
When no one was there,
I cried to comfort,
When no one was there,
I drowned in my sorrow,
And swam in my pain,
I let the darkness eat me,
I let it cloak me,

No one ever saw me,
So no one ever knew,
Everyone close to me,
Thought my life was fine,
But no one ever saw me,
No one ever cared,

When I met you knew,
Somewhere deep down,
I knew you were sad,
I knew how you felt,
I wondered if you knew,
That I was just like you,
Or that’s how I felt,
Every time I saw you,

You showed no sign,
Of how the misery swallowed you,
You never said a word,
You just laughed and smiled,
Like you I smiled,
I laughed at the jokes,
But deep down I was crying,
Deep down I was screaming,

I hope one day you’ll know,
I hope then that you’ll see,
That I’m just like you,
It’s all I can be,
I want to comfort you,
I want to help you,
We can be there for each other,
When we feel alone,

One day you’ll find me,
One day you’ll see,
And maybe one day,
That day you’ll rescue me,
When you save me,
That day I’ll save you too,



AngstPoetSociety

Memang Gitu Aja..

#When you have too much time doing nothing,even small simple things seems big.#
LOSER!

Home Sweet Home ~1

This holiday is quite weird as I was to spend part of it somewhere else and not at HOME.Summing it all up,the first week was at college and the rest was at my cousin's.My aunt and uncle went to perform their pilgrimage journey and there I was,enjoying myself thoroughly with my dear cousins.It was actually perfect,as I haven't met them for quite some time.So,we spent the days together;cooking,went for movies,shopping,watching different genres of movie-from classic to modern one-hours and hours in front of the TV(I even felt dumber than the idiot box already),glaring and staring at a dead fish in the aquarium;wondering how to get that thing out,watching their cat's girlfriend puke near the kitchen door and so much more.It was nice..really.We had a great deal of good times together.



See,we used to play,sleep,eat and even bathe together when we were young and those good times seems to vanish as we grew older.The feeling of being acquainted is now replaced by this awkwardness,as we're a perfect stranger.It feels like there's a gap?Maybe it is because of the time strain that we have these days.We're in university now.Things are a bit different;more responsibility,more important things to do.Childhood era had long passed.



Back to the scene,I had the pleasure to spend such a marvelous time.Honestly I did learned several useful thing like how to cook 'ikan bakar' using the banana leaves..Oow,my fish looked deadlier than ever.


Indeed I must say,no matter how wonderful and satisfying a place were,there is never a better place than HOME.Yes,I do miss HOME.In fact,I don't seem to believe myself when I was feeling homesick.Even at my cousin's?What the..I gave myself a sardonic smile..I miss HOME,really??So ironic..



Well my mum did came a few times as their youngest sister was staying with us.She's just 9,so more attention needed,and with heaps of work to do,she might go unnoticed,I guess.I kept giving hints to mum,but she seems to be clueless than ever.Not subtle enough?Oh my god!Well,my grandfather was actually staying with them,but he went to this Sarawak trip with my other aunt,so I was to keep my cousin's company until he's back.Its not that I don't like to stay,but the urge to go HOME was irresistible.A day before he's back,I felt like burning already.The scent of HOME has already lingered in me.I made no procrastination and packed.Finally!


Mum and I went to the hospital first to get my dad's stuff.On that same day too,my sister promised to meet mum so they could go and buy her super-duper thick,burdensome nursing books.Its like you put 2 or 3 bricks in the plastic bag and the size was almost as big as this computer screen.My only question:Won't they break her back?So many things happened in the process..I even puked somewhere on the road side,in front of a hotel,near the alley beside the corner lot 7-eleven.It was one of the most unethical thing I've ever done!I almost fainted too.For the next hours,I was in my somber mood.Gosh!I haven't done that for years..XD

Out of this so called adventurous day,the best moment did happened when I got HOME!Yess..I just love the feeling so much.Its like discovering a place where I belong.H.O.M.E

Where the Heart Leaps

If some longing goes unmet, don't be astonished. We call that Life.
-Anna Freud-

There is a third dimension to traveling, the longing for what is beyond.
-Jan Myrdal-

When Its Quiet

Exam's over,and you can stop hitting the books like crazy now..(for the sake of study)
Just dipped yourself into this serenity and try to unfold the best thing..read!

Flipping Over the Page

It's barely unbelievable!
I've made it to the end of this freaking challenging breaking-my-nerves semester..Now,able to take a really deep breath..



I wonder what might happen next..
Will there be something more for me?Even for the next few coming hours,I keep pondering what I might do.It's just exciting to think of things and stuff you can do during this break.I have a lot in mind..




The first thing is to get over this Feseni stuff first,of course I'll put my whole heart in it,but it's the matter of time now.In four days,even passion can't save you from being imperfect.Deal with it!Next would be those free time you have at home sweet home and spending those quality times with your family.A splendid,lovely days..One thing that keeps making me inexplicably excited is the coming visit that me and my mom are going to do later on.Tracing the roots of our family;learning about my great,great,great,great ancestors.I just couldn't wait to discover if there's really a royal blood somewhere in me.I'm really going to get my hand on this,it's now or never.My only grandfather now is the sole key to unravel the stories from the past.

Then I'm going to Penang,(maybe) to find the missing book which my dad's father kept long ago..it contains the family tree of our descendant..from the first generation (maybe) till my dad's..all the way from Gujerat,India..that's what mum told me..Gosh I couldn't imagine if I ever have connection with someone from India..Dr. Amitav?LOL..No,he's my lecturer from Hyderabad,India.When I've gotten the complete story,I'm thinking of coming up with a book compiling all of them.At least,it's the best I could do to preserve the history.I just can't wait!!!



My brain keeps reminding me that this might not be an easy work.I never know my great grandfather or grandmother,barely recognize all my relatives;apart from knowing they have something to do with my family big family and that's it.Whatever happen next would be quite a mystery to me.Maybe bringing those old photo albums would help a little and doing some research would do the trick.Rather than sitting there and listen,and you merely know nothing.Helpless.

Imagining me doing all these seems almost utterly impracticable.We don't have the time to waiting.Waiting will only gives you heart-ache and dust.I hope I'll succeed in this small mission.It means the world to me if I do.

Forrest Gump

If I was asked to choose my favourite character,the one who would definitely be on my list was him..Forrest Gump.
Why him?
Go and watch the movie first if you hadn't and tell me about it.
It's the reality that we all take for granted..

Gump, gifted with a low IQ which lets him be adorably childlike even as he grows up, leads a very charmed life: a mother who loves him immensely and who sleeps with the school principal in order to make sure her child has the best education, a miraculous incident that eliminates the need for him to have braces for his legs, a childhood girlfriend who remains faithful to him till the end, surviving Vietnam with a medal, and, in general, a propensity for turning everything that happens to him into good.

The fact that he didn't take offense,I think is what keeps him content.He made promise and fulfilled it,he meant every word he said.He's honest and basically nice on the inside.He becomes a millionaire,but he gives most of the money away,and indeed,he 's not that stupid as he knows how to re-assemble guns in high speed,play ping-pong like a maniac,runs like a bullet and so on..so does stupidity counts?

He's a satirical character to this new era heroes in many ways.His choices in life determine his niceness..in fact I think he's really one in a million kind if he really exists.Watching him is like watching your inner child at the inside.Gump never grow up,he remains as a boy throughout his life.It implied here that,at least,his 'stupidity' allows him to do so.So, if we are intelligent,can't we be child-like?I think we can,just don't grow up..it may seems better from a child's point of view.

Among his quotes from the movie..

"I'm tired now. I think I'm going home." --Forrest Gump

"Life is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you're going to get." --Forrest Gump

"Stupid is as stupid does." --Forrest Gump

"I guess sometimes there just aren't enough rocks." --Forrest Gump



Note:There's still space to beef-up on this topic,but it's how I see it for now.Things might change..

Carpe Diem!

Not many parents would tell you to not concern with your future and just enjoy the pleasure of the moment while you still can..true enough?
On this holy exam week,particularly today,I'd been shouting my voice out,"Seize the Day!" Why?
It's the term that I thought would be just right after Tuesday's;which might cause me to re-present myself for the same class next session,and forced me to re-sit for the same paper during my coming-soon 5th semester..oh,no!I pray hard,and even harder now,so that I really don't have to walk myself to the same class in the future.
And how did I seize the day?Frankly,not as cool,or as good as anybody else,but for me it was good enough to tolerate the free hours I had before the next paper tomorrow..
Guilty?
Exams in my high school years were numerous enough to wash away all the guilt in me..all that is left now is the inability to express myself well in the papers,and some blur expression due to some missing ideas which took quite some time to present themselves in my head..
So..
I decided to do some movie marathon to sustain the well being of my mind for the next few days and yes,I had the joy watching Ice Age 3,and the only fat kungfu master ever existed,Kungfu Panda..how I laughed!Later on,I had this opportunity to taste this Italian pizza..what a day..and beyond my mild imagination,it turned out that I have not gone through the process of hibernation yet.Gosh..now this is the part where I called myself L-O-S-E-R..

Making amendments,perhaps I'll go through some pages before bedtime..at least I would know and remember something..*grin*
I even have this thought to continue reading my unfinished business..thinking not to indulged myself too much in the relax mode as it's totally against the schedule,I'll go for it right after my last paper.Better..

Ciao!

Sometimes

When we love a person,no matter how much wrong they did,how screwed up they are,remember,they are human,and human makes mistakes..and so do we..sometimes it feels like ripping ourselves into two..two separated path lies beyond us and we must go for both..but we might get confused what's the right thing to do and what's not..It's our choice.But then if we couldn't choose,we might be the victim in the situation and get into trouble,maybe that's why the word sorry exist..to allow us to talk and solve things over..peace!



Note:I just don't know what I'm talking about.It's the guilty part,that's for sure!

Breaking the Code

What would you feel when something that belongs to you got stolen?
How would you react if your sheer hard work is taken for granted?
How again would you react when it happens in front of your bare eyes?
Would you feel like some kind of a doormat when your core value is abused?
And you know who did it..
Such a disgrace of such a disrespected action.
If you ask me,I would just shrugged my shoulders,and left..figure out human!

It hurts enough to have someone you believe to go beyond your expectation(I wonder if agitated fit in better).Well it's not new I guess.For centuries,in every single generations,these people must exist to balance the society cycle..rather,it amused me more than ever..but I have to admit,it pretty frustrating.



Well,this pic seem a bit off track for the theme,still,generally it's perfectly perfect..
I'm not saying I'm those angels with those glowing rings on my head,neither those devilish devil with burning trident in my hand,and this is totally not a holier-than-thou acts that tell people what they should and shouldn't do..I just hate it when it breaks into my space.
For some people,it may seems normal,okay,no big deal or whatever that fits in words.. but for me,it's a total disgrace.It shows your low integrity and dignity towards yourself,the kind of people you are.I just don't give a damn what lame excuses I would hear from your book of lame excuses..



and I definitely don't have the heart to get into a cat fight,so don't worry okay?



but an apology would make amend.I will be fine then.


One more thing,no need to give such a detailed explanation,I might just need a few..




For once I think I should STOP believing in SECOND CHANCE..
I give-up,prove me wrong..

Note:This is just an act of protest,since the 'I-hate-conflicts' part in me hindered the whole process of confronting this uprising issue.I'd love to thank those who spend their not-so-precious time listening..keep listening!Hugs and Kisses~

"It's what life offers you,take it or leave it."

Make Way for T.O.D.A.Y.

It's almost the end of the semester now,well counting on the examination..it's considered finished when exam is over..time is hitting on the face as some are struggling hard to 'cope' with their subjects but there are some who just didn't have the guts for the big test and just couldn't wait to get out of here (including me)to chillax at home.The first paper is today at 3,and as I stepped out into the post-afternoon day,it felt almost like melting..*too much for a metaphor* XD
Returning Saby's African books at the main library,we headed for our battle field,the so-called dewan peperiksaan..1 thing that amused me so was that we still couldn't find the right way to the hall after spending almost 3 semester here..I'm not saying that everybody does know the place well but hey,such ignorance would sometimes get back on you if you're lucky enough!

Later on,when it's time,we got into our position and filled those white papers and as soon as the clock strikes 3,our race against time started..I found myself laughing in the middle of the exam as my left hand felt like a worn-out machine,too old and not-so-productive in producing a readable handwriting,and I accidentally drop my pen off due to over-aching pain in my hand's muscle..now this was cynical..looks like I've been spending too much time typing than writing..I did felt sorry for myself though..the questions are expectable,but the answers however didn't match the expectation I guess..it's Africa and it's history..well,at least I managed to talk myself not to write my own version of Africa's history..*I'm a dead meat if I do so..

Looks like my timing for this time was almost accurate.At 5,the paper ended and I was relieved to realize that I'll never see heaps of history books on my desk.At least for a few days..I was shivering,and my lips were blue enough to make me stay longer in that hall..me and Saby then went for waffles!The next thing I knew,my hand was smouldered with chocolate on our way back..the weather was gloomy enough for us to 'lenggang kangkung' so we change to 'lenggang bayam'which was a bit fast than the former one..none of us wanted to arrive dripping wet..and thank god it doesn't rain cats and dogs..it more to 'fish and meat' rain,as its not too heavy for Saby's umbrella to handle..lol!

Arriving,I could see that there's still no sign of being 'enlighten' tonight.The only thing that lingered in my mind was 'home'..I mean how can I read anything in the dark?*alasan xnak study..* :p
And why again this day was nostalgic?I had dinner in the dark..it was totally fun enough to be done.Remembrance it was..frankly,I love being in the dark..there's always something to lurk about and when you're not distracted by other 'light being' things..things you have never thought and never notice become more significance,more prominent.It's beautiful enough for me..to appreciate life in that way..*somebody would definitely smirks now* :P

Lots of events occurred and I just can't find the right time and place to talk about them right now,it's just irritating to not being able to articulate them in the present..different aspects of life seems to clash their way in and some surprised me more than anything..some are just lame,mundane and stupid but each has a pinch of pleasant in it.Still I'm looking for more spices to add in..more flavour means much more sensation..you think so too?

The Organizer..

I was rummaging through my desk and found my first planner..I have it during my matriculation and brought it with me when I first enter the uni..forgetting the main reason why I scrambled over my belongings, it was always excited to see those colourful writing on the planner.Such a hectic schedule..there were also these hospital card(appointment card),some prayers given by my previous mentor,calendar,bank slips and some mini theater poster that I planned to watch (but didn't make it on time!)
Flipping over through some pages, a square-folded A4 paper fell onto my lap..thinking it was just some recycled paper I used before,I nearly threw it into the waste paper bin when I saw the word 'LIST'..I let out a faint shrieked the moment I unfolded the paper..It's the list I've been looking for since the start of this new semester..
See,this is one good thing about going through old things sometimes..I'm really glad!!

That list was, and still important to me..it's more like the list of things I'd love to do,visit,achieve,own and so much more..it's my list of life..how ambitious I could be sometimes can truly be seen in that list..*laugh* Seriously,I really hope that I would be able to achieve all those things.It will be great to explore new things,learning about people around you and surely a better platform to judge yourself..I pray hard not to let it be just a forlorn hopes and dried-out dreams..

Having the organizer or planner somehow has been motivating me to keep on going and doing my work and carry on with my plans enthusiastically.At some point,I'm grateful that I kept and still,keeping one..

A Moment Ago..

I was sitting on a bench in that torrid afternoon..tired,walking here and there; settling debts, assignment,and research for the coming assignment..man,I did felt busy!
While I sat,drinking a can of 'sengkuang cina' my mind floated somewhere else..
What's the sole purpose I'm here anyway?I realized that I've been abandoning some of my reasons to be here lately..the feeling of being unworthy,unlucky,and helpless crept slowly into my heart..I felt like crying suddenly.

I watched people around me evolve into something everyday..how I've wasted my short live on things I'm not supposed to do..I realize something,as long as my heart keep complaining,talking nonsense on people,having this negative aura around me,I'll get out of this place learning nothing,and be nothing..This is so suffocating..where are my so-call views?Devastated..how bad could it be?..it feels like I'm in a strong current,trying my hardest to get out.What's happening?If this is the change that I'm looking for I rather not change..
Where has my passion gone?Is it because of the people around me?The environment or its just me?Damn,I really hate myself if this is true..

Tring to go back and be the original you is not hard,once a good friend of mine said:
In life we always have a choice,choose..

Oh My..

Our family were having a party to celebrate Raya and since MKB we haven't opened the hampers yet..lots were done on the day as we're having it at night.Party means being happy and enjoying your meals (for me) but bad things will somehow happen when you're having too much fun I guess..
This time,it's not me who were hit by the thunder but my precious aragorn..
Well,practically he's my laptop, and I happen to named him 'aragorn' since it was one of my favourite names..sound so ancient..(reminds me of Beowulf) :)
So, somebody played this flour and water war after the slide shows ended and somehow one of the balloons which was filled with water accidentally hit my aragorn..

My blood turned cold when I was informed by Mama that my laptop was 'flooded'
That very night was the longest-cursing night ever..regaining my consciousness from anger,I was a bit relieved to be told that only a small portion of water hit a small portion of my laptop..ok..

Late that night, mama helped to dried it under the cool fan air.I was too sleepy to be bothered about it yet.Until like next afternoon,I was about to start typing my assignment when the screen turned blank,and flashed a few time,then suddenly the screen looked like a negative film colour..horrified,I panicked that my assignment would 'disappeared' and lucky sab asked me to quickly transferred important stuff into the pen drive..

Apart from spending almost the whole day staring blankly at the screen,I couldn't focused much on my work.Who would not be pissed? I felt like kicking and punching some people..lucky there were some really funny friends around and they cheered me up..still,damn it!It just sucks enough when you were in the middle of tons of assignments..
Next time do me a favour,don't watch your mouth,watch your feet,your hand and your eyes!!Where they are going do matters as they would damage something on the way!

Once Upon A Time..

"If you see the magic in a fairy tale, you can face the future."

~Danielle Steel~
March 21, 1985

Once you're in,its hard to let go..life is just too plain sometimes because we never try to cheer it up.Doing simple things sometimes makes life seems better.So go,find your way then..

*Smirk N Smile*

"I smirk each time I smile when I think that I can actually smirk and smile.."

Power Shower!

I don't have much time to peep around,and play lately,loads of assignment gushed their way to me and immediate action are to be taken.I just miss the feeling of having and sharing something here..at least the gist of it!sucks though..not enough time to colour my mind with philosophical thingy now..problem is,the more I think,the messier I feel,and the messier I am,everything seems to turn upside down!
pfft..the best thing to do when you're all messy-take a shower!
Rained yourself with some chlorine,free oxygen,hydrogen and much free radical..it helps~

Often,I think of lots and lots of unexpected things when I'm taking my shower..something always pop-up in the middle of the process and I just have the idea on something..and unfortunately,often I forget the whole thing the moment I stepped out of the shower room..I feel like shouting 'eureka' the moment I get those ideas and bring along my pencil and paper with me..but surely it'll be wet..urm..see,'eureka' was originally shouted by Archimedes(I'm not sure if he do shouts)a Greek,when he noticed the water-level rose and suddenly understand this whole volume thing,and ran through the streets of Sycarus naked as he was to eager to share his realisation..ow,I'm not that eager,so I won't like running along any street without putting anything on..

I guess that's the only I'm able to empty my brain without thinking of anything,anybody..just relax..haha..maybe because there's nothing interesting to be watched in it!Just the tap,the prominent shower head,and me.
Seriously that is not the place for you to relax in it,it's the devil's lair,and I don't want them inside my head mingling with my fresh ideas that is about to hatch!

There was once,I laughed my heart out because I suddenly remember some histerical moments that happened a few years back..I wonder if people outside the cubicle think I'm such a weirdo to laugh in a condition like that..but can't help it,I went out with a smile on my face-funny!

Since I missed recording any of my instant ideas in the cubicle,perhaps I'll try to write once I'm out..who knows,they might be useful someday..well,at least I know one good way to brainstorm better next time..go take a shower!

Whimsical Wednesday!

Oh my word!I don't have class today..2 canceled, 1 unofficially canceled..this is my very own public holiday..*grin*
Spending the previous night drooling over some heart-warming Korean movie,Taiwan drama and some web-surfing,I ended up dozing off in my cozy bunk bed until it's like noon.*naughty smile*..7th heaven..
I cleaned up some stuff in my room and sits back wondering whether it's nice to study in this cloudy,cool,peaceful day..nah,my heart says "go study!" but my mind is thinking of something else..n tadaa! i'm blogging..again!
so many things to tell,so many stories to write,yet they all are left unsaid and unwritten..Girl,you really need to toughen up a little and be firmer!
Well what's really fancy today is that the short-term freedom that I have feel blessed.haha..still,I need to work on my assignment though..by the way,tonight is kind of big,with this choir meeting,and sketsa sjm..let's hope I'll pass them happily!

All I Could Do Is Cry..

As the old days passed before me
I shuddered,holding back my tears
I smiled,remembering the happy things I do
And great many things I wish I'd been through

As the present days passed by me
I shuddered,holding myself in,not wanting to give up
I struggled to give myself a big,big smile everyday
I trudged along the winding path hoping that I 'll survived..

Standing in the corner,watching the world around me evolving
I wept silently,I cried my heart softly,and foldaway every bitter memories
Keeping them in the very secret corner in me
I hope someday they would burst freely,beautifully..
Leaving no trace,no scars behind..just beautiful memories

I do not have the heart that hates
I do not have the heart that fakes
I do not have the heart that simply go against my faith
But I do have the heart that lives..

A heart that lives is a heart that feels
A heart that feel is harder to heal
And I do not wish for others to pry
That is why all I could do is cry..

My TryOuts..

Penne Bolognese

Fettuccine

In The Mist

A week holiday feels like a blessing to me.Away from the hectic class schedule,away from feeling stuffy,messy,and contaminated.Sometimes staying in a place for too long,repeating the same routine everyday make us feel tired.Tired of everything,just too tired..that eventually we didn't realize that we are far away from our very own selves anymore.The society that we belong in contribute much to this changes,yet still it's up to us on how we reacted to them..and that formed the new us..

We're dragged far away from what we believe,who we were before,and worse,when we're blind enough to see that we are doing things that we used to stand against.
At home,it's a relieve to find my old self again.It gives me such serene and calmness to think clearly what have I done,decisions I've made,stuff I do recently back in college.It looks like I've made a rush decision on certain things..I've been off track from my daily planner,not really up-to-date with my academic studies,and seems like I've put aside my plans and target for the semester for something that I can regard as 'wasting time and money,and energy..It feels like I should have not done it in the first place.

But from those things I should 'not do',I learned great many new things..things I have long forgotten,things I swore myself not to believe in anymore..It's really hard to embraced it once you let it go forever.I never suspected that I'll be in this situation again..It feels like you have to force it in you..no matter how hard you try,you won't feel nothing..am I going to survive this?I feel like I've lost so many things in life,things I should have grasp on it..it's true,life goes on..but you can't just start a new page without even looking back at the past..

Sigh..what kind of person I would be now,and in the coming future?
I never want to know..time will tell..

H1N1 threats!

H1n1 is spreading rapidly,and this pandemic flu has been found lying within the body of my youngest sister.Surprisingly,the whole family is not affected.Mum is in such a hurry now,from home to the hospital everyday since she was admitted.She has been having fever for about a couple of weeks and had been to the hospital for 4 times.Medicine?Tons of them on the microwave oven.She was just 'too smart' not to eat them until she really recovered.She was diagnosed with the flu on 18th August till now..everybody was,and still calling..asking about her being.I'm tired of answering calls for like 24/7 and wear that stupid,tightrope mask each day and wash my hand with that special soap 24/7(my hands looks like 'ikan kering' already).When we went to the hospital yesterday,I was not allowed to even take a peek into her room.Mum almost got hysterical for not being allowed to visit her daughter..that fatso..get well soon,I miss bullying you!
I got to know that the test that got her warded was the influenza A test(she's positive!),H1N1 test is far more expensive,the cost is about RM1000 (private hospitals)..HKL used to do the test test,but they didn't anymore,too expensive I heard.Her doctor said since H1N1 is the 'hotstuff' now,my sister might has been infected.SARS,and other mammals flu may not be the cause..so,influenza A might not be H1N1,but H1N1 is influenza A.. :P
owh,influenza test is about RM 24..cheaper la..and a bit annoying to have cotton bud being poke into your nose..it hurts!

I guess Malaysians haven't been hygienic enough to stop h1n1 from spreading.Look around us,even in shopping malls,bus stations,hospitals,clinics and other public places,those who wear masks are only about 3 out of 10 people...washing their hands?From my limited observation in a day out yesterday,more people do that as quite a lot of places provided soaps and alcoholic hand wash.WHO predicted that about 5 million Malaysians will be infected if steps to prevent them is not taken.So more deaths would be occurring if people simply pretend like nothing serious is taking place in their lives now.

This morning,as I was listening to the radio..mum was talking to one of our neighbour a.k.a. our family friend about taking their daughter to undergo influenza A test.That child was suffering from mild fever,cough and cold for weeks!Worst,she sits next to my sister in class.Guess..their answer are definitely disappointing and a kind of 'weird'
>>We're afraid that our daughter might have H1n1
>>We're afraid that she might get hospitalized
Mum and I were *&^%%$#!(confused)
Totally confused with what they are thinking..is it worth it to their precious daughter's life??Hospitals and doctors don't kill people..what are they afraid of??
I felt sorry for that girl.I knew her since she was like 4 something.She's the same age as my youngest sister and they are BFF~
She's a very responsible,the cleverest,and the most mature child of 12 I've ever heard of..
Mum could not said much,because it's their daughter.She just gave them advice to hurry and bring that girl for treatment.I pray that God will open her parents heart to bring her to the hospital F.A.S.T!!

Well..when things happen,bad things..its only at the end of the road that we realize that a lot of things that we have in life is actually precious,and we tend to take them for granted..

Sigh..

Letting something that is always a part of ourselves out is hard..but somehow we can't hide it..just let it be.

A Blow On The Head

Sometimes we just forget that things we used to say will somehow 'eat' ourselves without us realizing..
When it happens,we will blame others and miraculously do not see that the one who are guilty is OURSELVES..
We blame others for our own fault,our own wrong judgment..
We make bad assumptions without wanting to really know the truth..as if it was a pleasure to do so..we talk,and we talk..
Until one day,when someone blurted out things that we feel we always know by heart..but gradually we then realized we don't know anything about it..it's just for the sake of knowing and saying,but not practicing or absorbing it into our lives..
We are no different than those 'criminals'..
Realizing the truth is bitter but it teaches us what life's like..
Be honest,be truthful..

Beautiful Dreamer

Beautiful dreamer, wake unto me,
Starlight and dewdrops are waiting for thee;
Sounds of the rude world heard in the day,
Lull'd by the moonlight have all pass'd away!

Beautiful dreamer, queen of my song,
List while I woo thee with soft melody;
Gone are the cares of life's busy throng.

Beautiful dreamer, awake unto me!
Beautiful dreamer, awake unto me!

Beautiful dreamer, out on the sea,
Mermaids are chaunting the wild lorelie;
Over the streamlet vapors are borne,
Waiting to fade at the bright coming morn.

Beautiful dreamer, beam on my heart,
E'en as the morn on the streamlet and sea;
Then will all clouds of sorrow depart,

Beautiful dreamer, awake unto me!

Stephen Foster

HMPH!!~

When things happen out of our control,nothing much we can do..
accept and face it..

Crumbs of Mikey..

Woo..the first proper english song I heard was "You are not Alone" by the late Michael Jackson..
I never take note on Michael Jackson,what he's doing,what's his latest gossip,or how he was going..On the day he died,people kept playing on his songs,and suddenly it seems like everybody was his fan..I preferred to be placid though..Somehow,I felt sorry for him.The whole world were busy mourning for him,gossiping about the cause of his death but what about the time he decided to change the way he looked..If I'm not mistaken,tons of critics were thrown on him regarding his plastic surgery..Lucky that his talent was undeniably superb..he was the pioneer in modern pop music..and as for me,I'm personally grateful to him for 2 of his songs "You are not alone" and the earth song..it was when I first hear those songs that my love in English burst...haha..
Grazie!!

Future Tense..

The statement that would surely be said when I 'balik kampung ' now is 'Wah,tak lama dah,boleh masuk meminang..'
I was like.."wtf.."
Well I am lying if I said that I won't get married..it's something that people do,and eventually I would do also..somehow..(either 'paksa' or 'rela'..LOL!)okay,enough on this 'kawin-kawin' thing..
Well,somehow when it comes to the future,I always imagine that I am living in a condominium,fully furnished,with this classic-modern design.One thing for sure is that I would have a library,a room specially to keep my lovely books (it would be a huge collection of books!)
Then,I would have classic paintings on my wall,a corner filled with classic music collection..but,if I 'm wealthy enough at that time,maybe I won't use any radio or what-so-ever..I'll moved to a more efficient tech..wahaha..canggih!Just hit the buttons and you're into it!
Another thing that shouldn't be missed is the refrigerator..I'll make sure there's plenty of cereals,juice,chocolates,sushi and stuff that are likely chewable in it..my,how tak senonoh..imagining 'peti ais' filled with food..but yeah,I can't help thinking about it..haha..
And since I was a little girl,heavens know how much I always wanted a queen size bed full with soft,plushy pillows..wah!Confirm I tak bangun!
See mum,your girl dreams a lot!!
A bit about my future children..I am thinking to send them to an international school..but is it worth it??One thing is definite though..they need to learn either violin or piano..and go to either ballet or other dance class ...and they must go to KUMON.. XD
My,how hectic their life would be..But it's a must in the future..they will have added values..and not to be left out..they must learn foreign languages too..french,spanish,german..
Gosh,wonder if they will survived it or not..*evil grin*
By then,I wonder how others would look like...Hilarious!
The end.
P/s:Damn..I really talk crap this time!LOL
*Dumb-DuMb*

Greatest Story Ever Told..Oliver James

Thank you for this moment
I've gotta say how beautiful you are
Of all the hopes and dreams I could have prayed for
Here you are
If I could have one dance forever
I would take you by the hand
Tonight it's you and I together
I'm so glad I'm your man
And if I lived a thousand years
You know I never could explain
The way I lost my heart to you
that day
but if destiny decided I should look the other way
then the world would never know
the greatest story ever told
and did I tell you that I love you
tonight
I don't hear the music
When I'm looking in your eyes
But I feel the rhythm of your body
Close to mine
It's the way we touch, it soothes me
It's the way we'll always be
your kiss your pretty smile
you know i'd die for
oh baby
you're all i need
And if I lived a thousand years
You know I never could explain
The way I lost my heart to you
that day
but if destiny decided I should look the other way
then the world would never know
the greatest story ever told
and did I tell you that I love you
just how much i really need you
did I tell you that I love you
tonight
tonight
And if I lived a thousand years
You know I never could explain
The way I lost my heart to you
that day
but if destiny decided I should look the other way
then the world would never know
the greatest story ever told
and did I tell you that I love you
just how much I really need you
did I tell you that I love you tonight

Most Influenza Peeple..

When I say 'most influence' that means these significant people have been the cause of some massive turning point in my life.Their existence means the world to me as they aspire me in lots of ways and mainly it's because who they are which makes me adore,love,and like them so much..Here are some of them.. :)

Of course my parents Mr Zulazhar and Mrs Rozana,would be at the top of the list.They sacrifice their precious life,time and money on me,just to make sure I have a good life.I love you!!My long time buddy,Weda,for each moment we spent together are priceless.You show me what it means to be strong,and life must go on no matter what happens..Safiyyah who taught me what discipline,determination and hard work means..Gosh,and you do read extensively!
Mahfuzah,who taught me a lot on how to have fun the freak way and what it takes to be a friend.Coming all the way,Sabrina..who are the extremist kind of the homo sapiens I 've ever met in my life..You hold what you believe firmly and no one can get in your way for that :D..Kak Yani,a person full with wonders and surprise,with such a charming way of talking,she's a perfect story-teller :P Niena,full of energy,funny yet understanding..she's like a sister I never had..There are more people that I meet each day.Yes,they show me something..everyday seems to has its own lesson and its very own history..I just hope that I do appreciate those times..having this 'amnesia' it's quite hard..LOL..anyway I 'd like to thank those people who had,has and have been helping me to get through hard times..Merci beaucoup!! XOx0

p/s:(To those who knew me)
Those whose names are not here,doesn't mean you guys means nothing to me..You are just superb as they are!I malas nak taip banyak-banyak..jangan mara..huahua

'V' vs. Leopold

Ooh..I just love classic man..the way they speak,their way of presenting themselves,charming!!If you ask me,this is a true gentleman..sweet!
Not to mention their intelligence!French is like butter cookies melting in your mouth..smooth and tasty!Literature??Its at their fingertip!!
War,weapon??Its in their blood..except for Mr. Darcy,I guess not so..flatterred enough already.. :)(got to ask sab lo)