Memang Random

Funny.
In general,they're just pronouns with stages of formality in difference.
I used "saya" when I meet strangers, "aku" when I talked with most of my friends,but here, "I" still sounds better.Perhaps "saya" or "aku" makes me feel more vulnerable than "I".Using "I" somehow  offer the strength to say things out loud because  "I" potrayed a more open,willing-to-share kind of pronoun and as if it has this shadow that can hide you from the rest of the world.I always pretend that "I" is anonymous;so, no fear!.Or maybe because "saya" and "aku" runs in me and I don't dare to use them,in case I'll be melodramatic whereas "I" limits my savage thoughts and offer to touch only the surface of everything.Now come on "I", we have to be fair. We share the same world with "saya" and "aku" right?
Why don't you give them a shot?

Setting Wedding.

It all started with this video link on Facebook.Girls envied the bride and drooled over the groom.In a nutshell,its admirable and I bet all girls would imagine their wedding would be 'legendary' as this one. 

  A Wedding of Fairytale

Glad to know that at least some of us do get to witness and experienced such a beautiful and memorable occasion.At least we know that fairytale could come true...somehow..with the involvement of an insatiable amount of money.So,millionaires and billionaires done their part well this time.
Moving on,I have been watching a few wedding videos.Not sure what exactly they're called..I think it's like the pre-wedding thingy,more like video clips >>>
Vid 1
Vid 2
Vid 3

They were all amazing.I wish these strangers a happy long life together.God bless them.The main topic here is not these people but the wedding itself.

Today Saby and me planned to visit the National Museum.There's this snake exhibition going on and Monday will be the last day.Unfortunately,on supernatural basis,our original plan were disrupted and we're heading to KLCC instead.I felt both sorry and guilty to Saby as I didn't mean for this to happen anyway.I was pretty excited myself.Knowing her affection for snake which is quite profound made me felt even bitter.I should've known in the first place that I'm not allow to go there.I apologized! :(

So,we reached KLCC safely, and walk around the place.I seldom went there for no purpose and today,for the first time, I was actually trailing through the park,where people there seems busy shooting pictures with funny poses,foreigners legal and illegal cherishing the heat of the sun,kids scampering everywhere with their parents and lines of primary school students walking in the same direction as we do-KLCC Convention Centre.

We thought of visiting the Aquaria,but the entrance fee is worth of a dozen Bim Bi Bab,so we went to this exhibition : The 1st International Pameran Pengantin Malaysia.Haha.It's my last resort actually.I couldn't think of anywhere else to go and it's certainly NOT the kind of place I would go in the first place.Why not right?
Sab's reaction was like, "Are you for real?We're not going there!" *internal bleeding* But we got inside.

It was totally for those who want to get married la.Starting from the wedding dresses, the 'pelamin',the decorations,few booths of photo galleries,wedding mags,spas,romantic honeymoon/vacation,bridal gown/make-up contests,suits,wedding cards,etc.
It felt strange to be in such place.The only thing that got me intrigued was the 'gamelan' booth.Still I did look around,trying to figure out the latest trend in a wedding nowadays.A few do's and don't's would be a good way to at least kill the time there.

Many couples were seen there,of course.They were practically excited and seriously looking through everything including doing this facial thing on the spot,together.Amusing.But I'm not in place to critique couples in love,right.I might be in their place and someone might be amused in the same way I do.Karma babe,karma.
Haha.Hope it won't happen la.I'm hopelessly romantic and if it's happening,I'll feel and look ridiculous.

So,at the end of the day,I came to noticed that lately the event that touched my day and at least gave insights was the word "Wedding'.I might want to at least start to read something about it.Now where to find a book titled "Wedding theories" or "Introduction to Wedding"

Masa Depan yang Tak Pasti... 0_o'''

Final year's most eligible topic would be: What on earth are you going to do after graduation?What's your next move?
Continue your study?If not,then working perhaps?In what field?Where?How?
Questions after questions keep popping out from every single mouth that bother to ask.

A bunch of people I met would asked me that and my answer was, "Uhm,continue to study I guess,"
The truth here is that I'm not really sure if it's the right thing to do.Every so often,I feel like working but deep down I doubt if I'm ready to step into the working world.

I would be 22 by the time I finished my bachelor degree and according to the original plan,I'd work part time translating story books and attend French class so that I can sit for my Delf A2 until (if posibble) Delf C2.Then,in July I would continue my Master's degree and at the same time attend the translation workshop in ITNM to get a translation certificate.Chewah~well planned right?!Wish I'm Richie Rich.Haha.Maybe one at  time.I should not rush.

My childhood favourite movie!Haha

I'd probably finish at the age of 24 and I should be able to work by then.But,as a what?I would love to learn foreign language,I'm interested in translation as well as writing.I might go for subtitling too.Which is which?Lately,another option would be me working and traveling at the same time after my graduation and then come back to continue my master's degree after a year or two.It comes to my attention that I have this sudden interest in political studies,sociology and a bit of economics stuff too.What not to study,huh?

On Friday,we went to this career fair organized by  the Job Street in Mid Valley. Waves of people from everywhere were there - some brought together with them their resumes and what not,dressed up for interviews,some were just wandering here and there, observing each booth innocently,some looked excited,some frowned,some were asking questions and some just sit and stare.Linguistics students didn't have that many choices compared to business,management,economic,engineering,bio tech,science etc. students there.

There were options,but not that many and the most interesting job I could find was the position as a broadcast journalist.Woohoo...It worried me sick thinking about getting myself employed.
Anyway,swallowing the 'bad' feeling away,I just enjoyed the rest of the session.Plus,it not the only career fair held on earth and I believe I'm not quite in the right place. I'll take it as my first effort to expose myself into the 'real situation'.Keep your feet on the ground,babeh!

Then,my favourite activity!!The second hand book clearance sale! It was in Subang USJ.Me and Saby were rummaging through the books like crazy.I ended up buying 8 novels for RM38.00 and Saby bought 10++ (I'm not sure how many) for like RM50.The weirdest thing happened when I was about to step out of the hall.An unknown feeling crept up into me and without signs or anything,I suddenly felt like joining some charity clubs and devoted myself to others.Books and charity don't rhymes together.It puzzled me for the whole day.Sigh~
Since then,the line "masa depan yang tak pasti" is now one of my official slogans.

We Just Couldn't See IT

I solely believe that every breathing soul in this world has the right to be whatever they dreamed of being.In this bits and bytes time,we're getting all the chances and opportunities to learn just about anything.We have everything at the tip of our finger.Everything is possible.What could be better?
Day by day,people are getting smarter,well prepared,and much more complicated.We're sheltered,provided with enough clothing,abundance of food to eat,and educated with proper knowledge.What turned us into a complicated,hard-to figure creature then?We're human,and that's complicated enough,but things are just not enough for us that we need to find something that is not there.I think we haven't see much of life yet and we're too lazy to bother as everything comes into our way.

Take note that I'm not referring to any luminaries who have been committing their lives for the sake of world peace,or those who wrote controversial books or those who ignited others to fight among themselves.I'm talking about us,the ordinary,normal people who lead a normal kind of live which has its own ups and downs.

Everyday,we complained,grumbled and demanded for a better service,better food and better everything.We're better than the 'better' we asked for ourselves isn't it?We deserved the best.The irony is that we're not the best either.So where we should we stand?Is it far up over the line or just beyond bottom?Asked ourselves that.

As we are the people of excuses,we'll probably denied it-"No,we do appreciate what we have but we tend to forget," Yes,we forget that there are others who are sharing the world we live in.These people are just not that lucky as  they don't have what it takes to enjoy what the world has to offer.

What is fricking wrong to have a those who's fatter,those who's a bit slow or those with some eye-soaring traits that we don't really favour?They would asked to be better if they could.What's so noble about us that we dare to discriminate them?It's the heart that matter most.It's upsetting to know that there are people who could not consider others well being.They simply turned others who are weaker into a punching bag and beat them as they like it.Obviously, there are something quite not right here.It's even disappointing to be still dealing with this kind of situation at this age.Shame on us all.

Do remember,customs,religions,values, and cultures are a part of us.They are supposed to guide and not to create guilt.We're blinded by our own stupid belief when we are supposed to follow our perspicacious judgment.The place that we live in now is just a tiny part of this big wide world.Don't underestimate anything and expect to get the unexpected.We 're not that great but we're not that useless either.Life offer us choices and choosing the right one is our responsibility.We are not the same but god put us in one world for a reason.

 

We are not bad people,we just couldn't see it.

Write,write and write.

Rolling on Raya

This year's Aidilfitri had been a hustling-bustling one for all of us.It was tiring,but I savored every moment of it.It's not like everyday you got this gathering with a bunch of relatives.It was soothing to see such lively conversations taking place,and the laughters...gosh,the feeling there at that time left a sense of belonging in me.I'll miss that feeling,yes, indeed I will.

All muslims celebrated Raya: they went back to their kampung,cleaned the house,had their curtains changed,cooked dainty dishes and even lighted up the front yard with those oil lamps..What was it for me then that makes this particular Raya worth a while?

I was glad and even grateful to God for the changes I'd seen-for better or worse,they were still changes.It's too personal to be mentioned here but let us assumed that these changes surprised me as they happened.I was and still incandescently happy! This is a believable evident which convinced me that we do and will change-whether we realize it or not and either we like it or not.Time will tell.

In recent years,my mum and I would actually had this argument on where should we celebrate the Raya occasion.We were actually trying to persuade each other to agree with each other's choice of 'kampung'.Before this year,the choice had been either Penang or Johor but this year,there's another option available-our own house,the so-called Bukit Beruntung.

Nah,I won't agree to that last option anyway.That place turned out to be dull,lifeless,and annoying if  Raya is to be celebrated there.No traditional house ever existed in that area,nor orchard with plenty of fruits!I don't really fancy the people there though the neighbours are okay,and I'll promised myself to go bonkers if mum really insist to celebrate our Aidilfitri there.Come on,it's Hari Raya!We need a livelier environment..

I've get used to the tradition where Raya is to be celebrated in kampung,and even though I don't really favoured 'lemang','ketupat daun palas' and whatsoever things that are supposed to be eaten during this festive day, I do fancied their existence and love to see people eat them.So,this year we decided to prepare something which was considered oddly distinct: Spaghetti and 'nasi Beriani'.Imagine eating spaghetti on the first day of Raya.It was overwhelming for everybody,but we just ate it anyway.My aunts did cooked other side dishes,but these were the main menus.

As for 'duit raya',I still managed to get some relying to the fact that I'm still studying.Haha.Thank you!
I bought 2 new books with the money. =P
Plus,another thing that made our Raya is my beloved Granpa.He's the only one left.I hope he would live a long happy and healthy life.I don't really talked that much to him but I do try to make the best of his existence.

Wish I could tell him how wonderful it is to have him here with us.Love ya Gram!

Whatever!

My Personality Type: The Analytical Thinker

Analytical Thinkers are reserved, quiet persons. They like to get to the bottom of things - curiosity is one of their strongest motives. They want to know what holds the world together deep down inside. They do not really need much more to be happy because they are modest persons. Many mathematicians, philosophers and scientists belong to this type. Analytical Thinkers loathe contradictions and illogicalness; with their sharp intellect, they quickly and comprehensively grasp patterns, principles and structures. They are particularly interested in the fundamental nature of things and theoretical findings; for them, it is not necessarily a question of translating these into practical acts or in sharing their considerations with others. Analytical Thinkers like to work alone; their ability to concentrate is more marked than that of all other personality types. They are open for and interested in new information.

Analytical Thinkers have little interest in everyday concerns - they are always a little like an “absent-minded professor” whose home and workplace are chaotic and who only concerns himself with banalities such as bodily needs when it becomes absolutely unavoidable. The acknowledgement of their work by others does not play a great role for them; in general,they are quite independent of social relationships and very self-reliant. Analytical Thinkers therefore often give others the impression that they are arrogant or snobby - especially because they do not hesitate to speak their mind with their often harsh (even if justified) criticism and their imperturbable self-confidence. Incompetent contemporaries do not have it easy with them. But whoever succeeds in winning their respect and interest has a witty and very intelligent person to talk to. A partner who amazes one with his excellent powers of observation and his very dry humour.

It takes some time before Analytical Thinkers make friends, but then they are mostly friends for life. They only need very few people around them. Their most important ability is to be a match for them and thus give them inspiration. Constant social obligations quickly get on their nerves; they need a lot of time alone and often withdraw from others. Their partner must respect this and understand that this is not due to the lack of affection. Once they have decided in favour of a person, Analytical Thinkers are loyal and reliable partners. However, one cannot expect romance and effusive expressions of feelings from them and they will definitely forget their wedding anniversary. But they are always up to a night spent with stimulating discussions and a good glass of wine!

Adjectives which describe your type: introverted, theoretical, logical, spontaneous, rational, analytical, intellectual, sceptical, pensive, critical, quiet, precise, independent, creative, inventive, abstract, eccentric, curious, reserved, self-involved, imaginative, unsociable, determined, modest, careful, incommunicative, witty

Help yourself though.. =D
http://www.ipersonic.com/

Random #2

     Sitting in the room for almost a day did hurt my human spine and caused my legs numbed.I was thinking,well planning actually to read on the 'History of the English Language',then continue reading 'Jane Eyre'.So much for a 'homely' person I guess.But,I'd rather called myself a 'roomie' person now.Since 'homely' also means lacking in physical attractiveness; not beautiful or unattractive.Or do I fit into the description precisely?
If it's true,I preferred to believe the other way round.Can't I? XD
Nah,that doesn't really bother me now.A lot of things needs my undivided attention.The sentence that keeps going constantly in my head since last week was  "so many books to read,so little time.."
Fasting does do me a favor in terms of giving me more time.I get more time to concentrate on my reading,more time to wander off into the library,and definitely more time to write something here.
See, I don't really write any serious stuff here.Just to fill the gap that I have these days.Writing serious,heavy stuff would demand more of my time here than what I should be doing-assignments.Yes.

My Dear Gentleman

My Dear Gentleman,

Is not A Prince,

Not even a noble Knight indeed,

But merely a Commoner,

Like You and Me.

He's not that rich

Yet,willing to share his Dish,

And..

To make things Better,

He's always there in need,

Smiles and laughter never left his side,

They keep him company and save my life.

Do imagine,

He's not as Perfect,

He makes Mistakes and he does Forgets,

And Yes,

Always he boasts how Flawless he'd be,

Of that the man I know is He.

Nevertheless,

His words are the words of Wisdom,

and his acts are as Genteel,

Honest,respectful and truthful I believe,

He's my dear Gentleman,

Can't you See?

Courage

True courage is not the absence of fear—but the willingness to proceed in spite of it.--Unknown

My thoughtless mind flew aimlessly as I stared outside the windows;reminiscing every distinct event that I've been through for the last 2 and a half years. Flashbacks outlined themselves before my eyes like a movie..

>> I  recalled the time when I was in my  freshman year.. (now,I'm a senior!) hahaha :P 

I was intensely worried,and ridiculously nervous( like always), thinking how I would survived in this new place.So,back then,the seniors kept telling us that we needed to join projects and stuffs to be able to stay in college for the coming semester.Plus,it would gave our resume a 'face lift', making it more appealing for our future job application.

Indecisive,I opted to just go along with the flow..and found myself engaged to a few projects later on.It appeared that I could not bear any 'corporate' style of working and regretted my very own choice.I had to go through quite a problem,trying to disengaged myself from those projects except for one.Lucky it was still quite early,and they merely started anything big.

This one project taught me to really,really stand on my own feet and reassured myself that I too,had the ability to achieve what others had.It was not the end that matters most,it was the process you went through that counts.I fought  in the same battle as anybody else did,but won a different victory.So did everyone else.Of that,I'm positive.That was,so to say the 'instant' lesson learned.

Just recently did I became aware of the fact that I never really finished what I've started.I need a slap in my face,really. Of course I finished all my assignments and submitted them on time.This one is more on the attitude part.The one which do not involved my academic life.Example(s)? Quite a number to mention.I tend to back off and simply assumed that I can't possibly continue whatever I intended to do .Doubtful thoughts hesitated and circumvented every possible situation that might demand skills or talents from me.

Deep down,I was and still afraid to face people..and dreaded conflicts so much that they would probably triggered allergic reactions if they were diseases. Fear grew wilder inside of me and ate my heart bit by bit each day. I kept silent in the dark and suffered the consequences of my actions.Once,a person I loved dearly told me that I had the heart of a mouse. I just brushed it off thinking it was lame.The funny part was that I too,felt like it's true somehow. (Tale of Desperaux)
I worshiped values,endeavored first class attitudes as I believe that they are a major components in differentiating individuals.There're many other factors that can exert influence and shaped individuals and these are just one of them. Who am I to say what's right and what's wrong anyway?These are just from my shallow point of view. The view  I perceived from the small world I lived in.

Today,in my speaking English class,I was waiting for myself to stand up and presented my article. Mine was emphasizing on creating and sustaining ethical behavior.The focus was more on the 'value-attitude-behavior' chain and there was this Martin Seligman guy who reviewed the 6 core virtuous values which I found adaptable in any real-life situations. I was flipping through my points for the last time when all of a sudden  I realized what my so called self needed the most...

It was COURAGE.Yes,that was what missing before. Later, I took a deep breath,stood up and presented.Quite smooth. I was nervous,trembling (a bit) and ate my words(I think) and but there's this warm feeling in my heart assuring me that I was a different person a few minutes ago because I know I do have COURAGE in me and promised myself to let it grows stronger each day ahead.

Oozing Out..

It has been a while since I last blogged. *sigh*
Final year is DEFINITELY hectic though it seems like I have plenty of time to spend doodling and dawdling around compared to last semester.
There's so much to talk about,plenty to read,overflowed information,opinions,views and stories to be written..yet so little time.What a pity.
The desire to write is gasping their way out from this little heart of mine.If it had a voice of its own,no doubt it would reprimand me for putting on delayed:everything or anything that crossed my mind lately-and here I am,trying to sort out every word possible inside my head to fill this very post.
The more words I see,the BETTER.Redemption,that's what it is.
Keeping this blog a company need more than just a promise made to myself.It needs consistency.Yes,indeed.

Tatter talk

"Letting go of the past could be easy".
The truth?It's tougher than I thought.
Hard to forgive and be forgiven,and definitely hard to forget.

What Homemaker?

Holiday,holiday,holiday..
I'm almost restless now.A month passed by just like a gust of wind which blows in these torrid days:empty,humid,miserable and definitely ennui.Nothing significant.I have too much free time.Yup,and when that happens my brain begins to put on it's own thinking cap instead of what I demanded.A lot of things comes to mind,all at once and you will start wondering further and further which one comes first and which are next.

I do not look for a job as I'm planning to go through journals,researches and books to figure out my thesis topic for my final year.I'm considering psycholinguistic as one of the area I would go beside considering sociolinguistic as well.(Sigh,I know someone will give me a nerd look for this)
I'm supposed to learn italian and french too..to the extend where I can at least read the children story books.My progress?Nothing much really.. I seem to have wasted my holiday trying to figure out new recipes (they taste awful!) and coping with the piano lessons.It feels better hitting the remote control than the keys at times but overall,it's satisfying.And the piano?It's a different story already.I never thought I'd ever get the chance to play and now I do!It's like a dream come true.Our house now is polluted with noises caused by my sister,me and even my mum sometimes.
Apart from the mundane routine and the fascinating piano,the one thing that I'm obliged to do is dealing with house chores and look after my sister.So,except for paying bills and handling the rubbish bin,and teaching her add math,I'm the woman :P
At first things seem okay and perfect:everything is spic and span,in order and going according to plan.But,when my taller-than-me and rebellious sister starting to get on my nerves,I'm afraid I might have wrinkles already.Now I think I get it why some said that raising a child is the toughest job in the world.We can't simply be selfish.See,toddlers and babies are adorable,children can be noisy but truly charming,and bigger than that are nuisance!But thanks to her,I learned what PATIENCE means.It takes all of me to cope with her temperamental change of mood.I started to wonder if I was like that when I was in her age and I did.*Grin*

Again,I never thought we would be able to sit down together and talk like a BFF when I finally decided to give myself in and listen to the stuff she does in school which I previously brush aside by telling her,"been there,done that.." Aiks,I found out that she's quite secretive and I'm determined to change that..hopefully.So,in spite of this hebetudinous days I do pick up something useful that might come in handy if I were to have kids of my own in the future.What amused me recently is that I can't believe I'm watching the "Nanny 911" show..I thought it would be jejune and banal but it's not.

Wildflowers

The hills were alive with wildflowers
And I was as wild, even wilder than they
For at least I could run, they just died in the sun
And I refused to just wither in place

Just a wild mountain rose, needing freedom to grow
So I ran fearing not where I'd go
When a flower grows wild, it can always survive
Wildflowers don't care where they grow

And the flowers I knew in the fields where I grew
Were content to be lost in the crowd
They were common and close
I had no room for growth
I wanted so much to branch out

I uprooted myself from home ground and left
Took my dreams and I took to the road
When a flower grows wild, it can always survive
Wildflowers don't care where they grow.

I grew up fast and wild and I never felt right
In a garden so different from me
I just never belonged, I just longed to be gone
So the garden, one day, set me free

Hitched a ride with the wind and since he was my friend
I just let him decide where we'd go
When a flower grows wild, it can always survive
Wildflowers don't care where they grow.

When a flower grows wild, it can always survive
Wildflowers don't care where they grow.

By Dolly Parton

Mi Manchi

To everybody who MISSES me..I MISS YOU TOO!
To those who makes me laugh with your jokes,stories and remarks,I MISS YOU!
To those who taught me even the littlest lesson and made my day, I MISS YOU!
To those who listened to my every complains patiently,laughed to the jokes I told even it's 'hambar'(I know)and be there when I shed my tears,I MISS YOU!

Original Bourgeois

During high school,or in a more accurate term in the Malaysian context:secondary school,is merely an explorable phase of growing physically and academically.Mentally?Emotionally? I'd say it's underdeveloped.I'm more like a tumor than a healthily growing cell if you ask me back then.If I could go back,I'd like to change and settle certain things and of course it's impermissible.It's not how things work in this world.Undeniably,some of it had punched the biggest hole in my chest leaving a big hollow space in me and some people I knew.Mum used to tell me that life goes on..so,no turning back right?Then,OKAY..

Why did I ever brought this up again?Well,a few things turn out to be quite different for the past 2 years:
First,I was struggling with my identity-being around people I didn't really know,new surroundings,new routines etc.Where did I fit in?Was I good enough? Smart enough? Talented enough? Suddenly these self-esteem consciousness breezed in.It was like those teen's fitting-in-American-high-school movies which truly sucks if it happens to you.I was damn nervous in almost everything I did during my very first year in Uni,from studying to eating and even sleeping.Haha! I remained like that for almost a year,then only it started to fade bit by bit at the end of the semester.That happened because I totally cannot get my head together in accepting the fact that I'm already in Uni now.It like..WHOA!It's just like this??I'm 19,and I'm in Uni??

The sentence "masuk U" is being programmed and nurtured in such a way that it made me feel that getting yourself a place in Uni is grandeur than life itself.The idea?My mum..she had been through hardships in her early life and since I'm the first born, I got the honor to fulfill her high expectation.At this point I had to learn to control and forced myself to like and dislike things depending whether I'm allowed or not allowed to do so.I've stopped asking why and how,I've curbed myself from doing things I'd love to-bottling up everything and put them afar.Whenever I see or feel like doing them all,I'll just think and imagine that I'm already at it.It ached a LOT when I open my eyes.Holding on to "tak sampai hati" slogan,I'm at the edge of being restless and senseless.End of high school marked the end of everything.At least one of my foot is free by then.Still,some things didn't just end.

In matriculation,things got a bit loose,and I encouraged myself to take the next step..I got to know a guy,well more like a boy,my age and he's funny.In a blink of an eye,I got myself an instant relationship.Gosh,it was funny because we never see or hear from each other much..only a few calls after 3 months.I thought I didn't need anything like this,it's more like a burden,this guilty feeling for my mum,my studies,and I couldn't even think of liking or loving someone who didn't give a damn on respecting and understanding in what I believe.So back on track!

Finally after 2 years,which is now:
I could say that I'm having one of my best moments in life..I can finally dance,visits those historical places (my sis think I'm a freak!),being overjoyed to go visit and watch art exhibitions,plays,dance dramas,choirs,orchestra(s)-soon, and opera (scream!),read books that have nothing to do with what I'm studying without anyone nagging at me,talk about hunks with my mum (which never really happened all these years),learn quite a few foreign languages which I hope I'll be able to speak them fluently,plus,I really like what I'm studying now and banyak lagi laaa..Oddio,FREEDOM is bliss!

So,what difference does it makes now and then?
I learned the word friendship and basically what does it means,success and succeeding;at least from the school point of view,and study,study,study (mostly)and anything beyond that is not allowed (according to mum) during high school.Living in a closed community back then can restrict a pessimistic individual like me and no doubt it did affected me in finding my own true self and potential.I kept everything to myself most of the time,and it was hard to express myself according to my own interpretation in such circumstances.Don't get me wrong,I love my friends,my school but there might be some misinterpretation or misrepresentation in others which is likely to cause conflicts,falsehood,and gossips.Who knows how bad it could be?Teens..maybe by being 'dormant' would be best for someone like me.
I don't really remember much of the things I had done in school except for a few unforgettable moments,events and maybe a few people..Yeah,some things just won't make sense when we were in an awkward situation.It becomes clearer later,when we thought we're so over it and unfortunately,it's too late by the time we really get to see the whole picture.So,it passed as a PHASE in life.

No doubt I'm quite the same person I was a few years ago;a bit nervous here and there,quite lost in conversation sometimes,applaud and cherish stupid,sarcastic jokes,eat a lot,and still despise cockroaches (now rats and monkeys too!) but also as a growing individual who feels better being in her own skin.I'm happy for now.As there are so many things around me waiting to be explore,it would be invigorating to discover more than eyes can see if you get what I mean. #smile!#
Yet,the only thing that is totally not the same is my health.Let's hope I'll be as fit as a fiddle always.LOL..I may be too comfortable with the state I'm in now..go work out la!LOSER ni..hahaha!

It's Just It.

Primary School.
A month before school really begins,there you are -in front of the mirror,admiring yourself in the navy blue pinafore over white shirt.So excited,thinking that you'll be carrying your brand new school bag and proudly walked to school in your sparkling new white shoes.Everything about the school excites you and while you're busy draping yourself in the uniform,a pair of eyes peeped quietly from the crack of the door, scrutinizing your act,and a faint smile loomed.It's quite amusing,to see such a blithe spirit;who knows nothing of the world yet eager to be step into it..

Secondary School.
Each year,before school starts,it's always exciting to go shopping for new school stuffs and of course,uniforms.You calculate,estimate,evaluate - sizing up everything;what kind of brand you'd like to have this year,and in your thoughts you think about what your friends might be having;your girlfriend had this bag that you wish you had one too,your other girlfriend own this kind of shoes that you kind of like...later on,you end up at the cashier counter feeling nothing even when you see the amount price rise a triple time high.Lucky there's always somebody who would pay for you.Oh wait,not enough cash!..that's what credit card is for; "Pay now,regret later"
And,you get to go to school feeling good about everything!

University.
You got yourself into the Uni.Everyone is content and proud of you.
Everything that you wish for are almost like command that need to be fulfill.
Not long,a call from home came and you reject.A call other than that gladly you accept.You think it's OK but somewhere in some place someone's wondering how you're doing,and at last get quite disappointed asking about you.You won't really care though.

Note:I really don't want to end up like you,because it will bring me down to make somebody as special as that to be in despair.Yes,perhaps she never really teach me everything but I'm trying my best to learn them myself.At least I don't screw this one up.

Pie-Low-so-Fur.

I tend to express this feverish excitement and look quite frenzied (mental agitation!!#scream#) when it comes to the philosophical part of living.Why?? Nooo idea!! I find it fascinating,inspiring and soothing?
Especially now, in the age of 21, where in this post modern era promised a more laissez-faire atmosphere. Being a late bloomer in almost everything I do,I find that I'm still struggling with myself most of the time(identity crisis) where in this stage of age,everybody seems to has been done with it.

Feeling glad and discouraged at the same time,I just hope that the time is ripe enough for me (no,actually I'm supposed to be 'ripe' enough for time never waits,it keeps moving) to pace my own steps now.Admitting the fact that I'm just too skeptical and 'nervous' most of the time when it comes to 'socializing' with the world, no matter how simple and easy it is- (according to those who claimed to be a 'socializer' and believe that they have this 'extrovertness' trait in their genes)
Chanting in the Shakespearen English mode: "O courage~"

Courage by William Shakespeare >>

O lonely heart so timid of approach,
Like the shy tropic flower that shuts its lips
To the faint touch of tender finger tips:
What is your word? What question would you broach?

Your lustrous-warm eyes are too sadly kind
To mask the meaning of your dreamy tale,
Your guarded life too exquisitely frail
Against the daggers of my warring mind.

There is no part of the unyielding earth,
Even bare rocks where the eagles build their nest,
Will give us undisturbed and friendly rest.
No dewfall softens this vast belt of dearth.

But in the socket-chiseled teeth of strife,
That gleam in serried files in all the lands,
We may join hungry, understanding hands,
And drink our share of ardent love and life.


I keep telling myself to take my time in doing whatever I feel like doing.At least,in the long run, I won't regret doing things that I know I badly wanted to.Still,I need to keep up with the signs of time;everything keeps getting faster..time flies..and yada..yada..yada..
And yes,I realize that I could always do my own things until the hell freezes over for nobody's stopping me and then wake up to discover that I'm still standing at the starting line. That would be worst than ever!

Quotes: to do, or not to do.
Suddenly I kind of understand how evolution takes place!Now,this is bollocks.HaHa.

Anonymous>You are so into your thoughts.
Me>Is it? (Look into the mirror,trying to figure out)


This is done as a token of appreciation to this somebody who asked me to 'express myself' more openly,so that I will not lose a 'precious being' [AGAIN] in the future..lesson learnt..so,I'm trying my best.

Random Act

I'm supposed type my 10 pages of the "Main Languages of the World" assignment now.Instead of doing that,I found myself typing here..(haha)..reading online books and references is one neck-aching experience and it gives me this potent eye sore..I've recently changed my glasses,since all that I managed to see are lines and lines of blur words.I hate specs and I need to wear them for most of the time.I love my life!
*Bwekk*

A Soup for My Soul.

I love soup,whatever soup it is;chicken soup,beef soup,vegetable soup, 'bihun soup, and heaven-knows-whatever-soup,as long as I can eat them.

I can't stop asking myself and pondering all this while as why it's only chicken soup is chosen for the soul?I mean,other soups are being undermined?They're being discriminate? Oh,nowadays soups get discriminate too. But(there's always a but) try this: “Beef soup for the Soul”, “Vegetable soup for the Soul”..Both sound so wrong.

If you asked me, from my food of view, beef's smell are stronger than chicken's (their meat la) and not everybody likes beef,some can't eat them and for some they might say, “Beef: calorie,cholesterol..they're so not going into my diet list!” and people who love cows and the rest of it's species would never ever consider this soup suggestion.I'm not sure if there are any chicken's association that ban us from eating chicken.LoL,this is crap! Whatever, point taken here. Beef-(0) vs. Chicken (1)

Then come the vegetables: They are good for the skin,health and yada..yada..yada..Compared to beef, it's almost odorless and tasteless (veges stereotype).Now, imagine you cook a vegetable soup. An amateur cook once told me,vegetable will go mushy when they are boiled in hot water. Considering it's true,I simply conclude it's convincing enough. Plus, many despise vegetable than beef or chicken. So, Vegetables (0) vs. Chicken (1) #chicken wins!#

Trust me, you don't want smelly,odorless,or mushy supplement for your already wretched soul. You need something comforting,warm and taste -like-home flavor to rejuvenate and inspire yourself. I can't imagine any living or dead chicken out there would smell nice,but at least having the thought of those Campbell's creamy chicken soup, I'm lured.

# I'm giving myself a break,not wanting to 'erupt' and go around 'biting' innocent beings (yeah,new habit, a bad one).
So,where's my chicken soup for my soul??

Idler

I'm sitting at my study desk idly flipping through the magazine for the umpteenth time and rummaged through all the books I've brought here with me,hoping to find something nice to spend the hour.A bit frustrated as none of the books went unread,I just sat and stared at my own reflection.Okay,now it's freaking me out,it's as if somebody who looks exactly like me was staring back (sharply) at me.Darn,I must be crazy!

I looked around-a week away with classes,the chaotic room was not pleasant either.Not that bad though,but it gave me this eyesore-books spreading here and there,clothes dangling in such a sight..sigh,sigh.Having the pleasure to be so absorb in other things just won't budged me to do any cleaning service now.Maybe later,so there goes another case of procrastinating.

And why again I'm telling all this here?Obviously,nothing queer or fascinating happened recently.Well maybe there were,but being one ignorant individual,I have not been in the waves for quite some time.Ignorant is bliss,and that's what I am now,sitting here,very content and comfortable,enjoying good music,eating good food,and writing my own mundane routines.Gosh,I sound really lazy..hihi..

Ooh,wait!There's a rumbling and scratching sound up in the ceiling!Rats..It amused me every time I tried to imagine what those cunning rats are up to this time.A few months after renovation,I really thought those mischievous creature were gone,'balik kampung' or went to someplace new.They like it better here eh?Well,I'm fine as long as they stay away from my clothes and my food stock and of course,as long as they don't nibble my toes!

It Stops There..

She woke up to discover that it's already daytime.Still sprawling on the bed,she was considering a second thought - to wake up and start fresh or just curled up in bed.She tilted up her head a bit to see if the sun rose at the right place through the crack of the window.Relieved that it still do,she urged her sleepy mind to decide whether its proper for her to rise as early as the brightest star and walked out in a cheerful manner or thudded the day in such a solemn expression under the boiling heat later on.

Pondering in mind how petty phenomenon like this could possibly affect the rest of her day,she began to imagine all sort of calamities and mishaps which could probably turn her from a damsel with such a lovely tress to a damsel in distress.Ooh,out of the blue,Rapunzel's tale seeped into her mind without warning,which led her farther and farther away at the break of the day.
Rapunzel..she thought,was unlucky to be separated from her rightful guardians.Aah..another thought came ringing..how on earth she managed to take care of such a glorious,long hair?No saloon,no shampoo nor conditioner,not even a hair mask mentioned in the story..did the witch cast a spell on her luminous hair?It might be...

The tower's big bell began to ring vigorously that it sounded more like the roaring thunder than a sweet melody.It was meant to be,so that it brought her feet back to the hard,solid ground.Like a child,she leapt out of the bed,mocking that innocent tolling bell.Moments later,being at ease,she thought its best not to frown so much,it spoiled her mood - frowning she remembered,will just make her face wrinkled faster(that's what her mother always told her).Humming a merry tune as she prepared to get dress,a soft mellowed voice hooted at her very ears.

"Aife,Aife!"

>>>OH,Fudge!!!!!!!!!!I woke up..

Between the Rush

It has been quite some time since I last wrote.Schedule is more hectic now,tons of assignment waiting to be worked on.The desire to push a pencil and produce something definitely drained my human brain-it's not that I've been creating a deadly storm purposely inside my head or cast a spell of typhoons that would ripped it apart
but merely lack of thinking process that is critical enough to reawaken and rejuvenate the ultimate gift that God has bestow upon us.

So now,with a spoonful sense of guilt,and a pinch of unrelenting grim determination,I'm pushing myself to answer the calling of wisdom-sound pretty gibberish eh?But deep down I still want to admit it,badly,that it's true.
Apart from this,many unwanted 'tragic moments' happened recently which altered me into a more conscious person about those who are around me-those whom I care a lot about their being.There are some do's and don'ts that I practically learned what to do and what not next time.Fully regretting them and not being so at the same time,I acknowledged the fact that time will fix things along the way,and gradually let myself came to a halt-it's like waking up from a really sad dream and getting on with your day cheerfully,positively.I know that I'm looking for something more in life and what matter most now is how to get that something more.This time I tell myself that I'm going to do it right.But,(there's always a but)how RIGHT I'm going to do it,and whether I'm heading for the RIGHT choice,again time will tell,but really it'll be too late then.I hope I'll find my way soon enough.

(^^)

Reminder

I forgot that
sometimes when we feel that live is at its best,we never have this second thought that actually it's at its worst.
and...
We only see things that we want and just simply ignore the truth,no,we put it aside,thinking it'll be just for a moment.But then, we forgot all about it that eventually it will show itself in a surprising manner that we ourselves would never guess.Then come the most interesting part,where we struggle with all those disappointing moments.it's either we upset others or others hurt us or both.
It eats us up inside.

I forgot that
we tend to hurt those who we love and care for easily.
when we have choices,we choose to make ourselves happy and may let others in misery.
when we're too close with a person that we really care about,we will let them down in some ways.
we can't give ourselves too much to those we love,because one day they'll leave,and when that happen,we'll be lost.

Always,I reminded myself that thinking too much would sometimes lead a person to live in theories of ideas despite being practical in what they are doing.They might not even 'taste' life but sadly they thought they were.
Can a person possibly feel disappointed for disappointing other person?
For many reasons I'm officially feeling a bit down~

Waiting for Bed

Scrutinizing on pages of unfinished assignments, my head nod unwillingly as my brain started to become cloudier, heavier- sigh, the journey to the Land of Nod would soon begin..I heard myself murmured.

“Guess this has to be done tomorrow. First thing in the morning after breakfast.”

Well, apparently that’s what I think I promised myself before I found myself sleeping soundly the very next morning. I've missed a few hours already!! Oh,sleeping got to stop..Being quite a laid-back would sometimes forced me to be such a dreadful procrastinator. Just hate it when it strikes. It made me feel I’m such a L-O-S-E-R.

So, I’m on this effort of trying my best to get a ‘cosi-cosi ‘ sleeping time than getting more than I should. Of course, I managed to cut down my evening nap thinking that it would be best if I have a really good night sleep. As far as my alarm concerned, I’m more to an early riser than a nocturnal creep now. I did got off the track sometimes, but things are manageable, for now. *smile*

P/s: I better get some sleep now..or I’ll be in a mess tomorrow!Ciao!
Big day ahead!Sleep,sleep.

C'est La Vie

New semester has started for almost a month now. I don't have the chance to scribble anything during the last few weeks. Plus, it's new year!2010..Flabbergasted to find out that I'm not that thrilled in welcoming this whole new year thing, I did had a memorable night celebrating new year eve though, I was in Malacca-high up in the night sky, when the clock strike 12. There were fireworks here and there and that’s it. As is the custom, at this point most would likely to have their new year resolutions list ready I supposed. I used to be one of those who enthusiastically wrote down a whole list of things to do for the start of the year. It would went like “My (what year) List”..and so on.
This time I decided to do the other way round. No list, no resolutions, no ‘azam baru’ or whatsoever..nothing. Sometimes, trying to change what you think is bad might be worse. There’s nothing wrong with having a ‘new year to-do-list’ or sort. It’s just that at some point in life, people will change, and that has nothing to do with new year. You don’t have to wait for a brand new year to make a brand new vows in order to be better right? When the time is right, without us realizing, somehow we’re changing..a little at a time. So, maybe if I just move along with the flow, there will be more unexpected things to be uncover.
Enough crap people! :P
Anyway, this semester demands all the energy I’ve got. Practically I’m not that busy, but trying my best to be so. No doubt it’s exhausting but I cherished every moment I could. Never been able to make time for swimming the last 2 semesters make me even more determined to do so now.OMG! I bet cuttlefish performs breaststroke better than I do. Then, for my co-cu subject, I happened to register for the classical Indian dance which would be performing the ‘Laila Majnu’ dance-drama this semester along with one of my favourite song-‘Aaja Nachle’. I do feel lucky! XD Besides having this basketball practice, I got myself into choir too. It’s funny to suddenly to be among Sopranos as I used to be in Altos. So, even voice change?? Most of the subjects for this short semester are pretty challenging and interesting too =^^= I really hope I’ll do my best!
As far as I can tell, everything is running smoothly and fine. Apart from watching, reading and hearing all those perfect storm happening in Malaysia right now, I feel blessed enough to be given the chance to live my life well. It’s heart-breaking to learn others’ miseries, let alone knowing their loved ones are gone forever.