Courage

True courage is not the absence of fear—but the willingness to proceed in spite of it.--Unknown

My thoughtless mind flew aimlessly as I stared outside the windows;reminiscing every distinct event that I've been through for the last 2 and a half years. Flashbacks outlined themselves before my eyes like a movie..

>> I  recalled the time when I was in my  freshman year.. (now,I'm a senior!) hahaha :P 

I was intensely worried,and ridiculously nervous( like always), thinking how I would survived in this new place.So,back then,the seniors kept telling us that we needed to join projects and stuffs to be able to stay in college for the coming semester.Plus,it would gave our resume a 'face lift', making it more appealing for our future job application.

Indecisive,I opted to just go along with the flow..and found myself engaged to a few projects later on.It appeared that I could not bear any 'corporate' style of working and regretted my very own choice.I had to go through quite a problem,trying to disengaged myself from those projects except for one.Lucky it was still quite early,and they merely started anything big.

This one project taught me to really,really stand on my own feet and reassured myself that I too,had the ability to achieve what others had.It was not the end that matters most,it was the process you went through that counts.I fought  in the same battle as anybody else did,but won a different victory.So did everyone else.Of that,I'm positive.That was,so to say the 'instant' lesson learned.

Just recently did I became aware of the fact that I never really finished what I've started.I need a slap in my face,really. Of course I finished all my assignments and submitted them on time.This one is more on the attitude part.The one which do not involved my academic life.Example(s)? Quite a number to mention.I tend to back off and simply assumed that I can't possibly continue whatever I intended to do .Doubtful thoughts hesitated and circumvented every possible situation that might demand skills or talents from me.

Deep down,I was and still afraid to face people..and dreaded conflicts so much that they would probably triggered allergic reactions if they were diseases. Fear grew wilder inside of me and ate my heart bit by bit each day. I kept silent in the dark and suffered the consequences of my actions.Once,a person I loved dearly told me that I had the heart of a mouse. I just brushed it off thinking it was lame.The funny part was that I too,felt like it's true somehow. (Tale of Desperaux)
I worshiped values,endeavored first class attitudes as I believe that they are a major components in differentiating individuals.There're many other factors that can exert influence and shaped individuals and these are just one of them. Who am I to say what's right and what's wrong anyway?These are just from my shallow point of view. The view  I perceived from the small world I lived in.

Today,in my speaking English class,I was waiting for myself to stand up and presented my article. Mine was emphasizing on creating and sustaining ethical behavior.The focus was more on the 'value-attitude-behavior' chain and there was this Martin Seligman guy who reviewed the 6 core virtuous values which I found adaptable in any real-life situations. I was flipping through my points for the last time when all of a sudden  I realized what my so called self needed the most...

It was COURAGE.Yes,that was what missing before. Later, I took a deep breath,stood up and presented.Quite smooth. I was nervous,trembling (a bit) and ate my words(I think) and but there's this warm feeling in my heart assuring me that I was a different person a few minutes ago because I know I do have COURAGE in me and promised myself to let it grows stronger each day ahead.